I have always been something of a "hopeless romantic."

[StayPuft]

(Note: So... I must admit that I am just babbling a little here. LOL! No hard feelings to anybody who doesn't feel like reading the novel I am about to write. ;-) But, it is just something that feels good to get out, so I figured what the heck?)

So, with everything that has gone on in my life lately, like anybody else probably would, I went through the sort of emotions you would expect. I went through all the "I don't think I can ever do this to myself again. I am just happier alone" type stuff.

But, I found that before long, I bounced back. Though, I knew I had never really been appreciated, or treated well in my relationship, it took that time to myself to realize that not only is that not normal, but it is not okay. It took me some time to myself, but I started to realize that I would be cheating myself if I came to that conclusion.

The truth of the matter is I have always been the "hopeless romantic" type. I have talked about the sitcom How I Met Your Mother here before, and the funny thing is, I really relate to Ted Mosby. If you have seen that show, that is really the best way I can think to sum it up. I never had much of a self-esteem (if any), but I have developed one in my recent history, and going through what I have gone through recently, instead of hindering that, has only made it stronger. So, I may still not that I am all that great, but I do think I deserve a chance to find somebody who will. And I haven't given up on finding her.

The one thing that I have found through all of this that has made me very happy is that I have discovered happiness within myself. I no longer feel like I NEED to find my soulmate. But that doesn't mean I don't still want to find her. And that is kind of a relieving feeling for me. Because it means that an important part of who I am has not died after all. But, it also means that I can be happy with me, and find happiness within myself even if she may never come along. But, I hope that some day she does, and I work every day to make myself more and more the kind of man who would actually deserve the kind of woman I have always been dreaming I'd find.

Anyway, sorry to be corny. LOL! Let's go back to talking about flesh eating zombies, blood sucking vampires, and haunted scarecrows now. LOL!

[soundguy]

best of luck to ya!

[Wasteland Jack]

I think it is not only brave of you to admit your feelings, but also a necessity for growing stronger. I too am plagued with self-esteem issue as I imagine many of the worlds people are. I think the strength within comes from admitting who you are and what you really want out of life.

A friend always tells me, "If it makes you happy, why be ashamed of doing it?" I have been trying to live my life using his mantra as support, and it is slowly working.

So, do not deny anything of yourself, if you are a hopeless romantic, so be it. Move with it and roll. Find that one true person who makes you comfortable being you. It may be a long search, but ultimately they will fall in love with the real you, not the you you have been pretending to be.

Sometimes I babble nonsensically too. I don't know if you understand what I was getting at with my ramblings, but if you did, I hope it helps.

-W.J.

[soundguy]

great post.. both of you!

[samuraitrev]

Good luck with the future staypuft and Wasteland Jack. You both have the right attitudes and it's now a matter of 'when' and not if. Hang in there fellas and the right person will come along. I know it's so easy to say but I've said before I'm a great believer in karma and your time will come, maybe sooner than you think

[MoonSylver]

I used to be. Having been married for 16 years to have her shank me & break it off pretty much cured me of that. It's been 2 years since the seperation, going on a year since the dissolution, & I'm still just as done with all of it as ever, with no sign of that changing any time soon. Oh well. That's life.

[soundguy]

this is actually turning into a good thread.. plenty of shareing here. plenty of friends here

[PJON]

Hi, Im Kristina. I sort of know some of you here. The rest i hope to know too.

So...ummm with all this sharzies goin on. I was married, diviroced, married for 10 years - one child who is now 23 - diviorced, then in a 10 year relationship, broke up. I haven't looked back since.

I started finding myself. For me a great inspiration song is Incubus, Make yourself.

If I hadn't made me, I would've been made somehow..
If I hadn't assembled myself, Id've fallen apart by now.
If I hadn't made me, I'd be more inclined to bow.
Powers that be, Would have swallowed me up
But that's more than I can allow.
But...

If you let them make you, they'll make you Paper-Mache
At a distance you're strong, until the wind comes
Then you'll crumble and blow away.
If you let 'em f you there will be no foreplay.
Rest assured, They'll screw you complete, Until your ass is blue and grey!

You should make amends with you,
If only for better health.
But if you really want to live,
Why not try, and Make yourself?
Make yourself (Make yourself)

If I hadn't made me, I'd have fallen apart by now.
I won't let them make me..It's more than I can allow.
So when I make me, I won't be paper-Mache..
And if I f me...I'll f me in my own way.
f me in my own way
f me in my own way
f me in my own way
f me in my own way...

You should make amends with you,
If only for better health (Better health)
But if you really want to live,
Why not try, and Make yourself?
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself
Make yourself!

For me, it remiinds me, to be me. Not what someone wants or expects from me. Do what I do, and be strong at it.

It made me not let people, or more importantly to stop, bully myself. ie im to fat, ugly, old etc...no one wants me. What i learned, is the longer i sit, the less i grow. Im not a weed :p

So, i did. I went out and seeked things i enjoy. I found a great board gaming group. I found new friends in other groups of interest, and i have a variety of them. I found this website ( see always promoting TZG )

Well, in the three years that followed Ive had 2 short term bf's. Meet lots of really kewl peeps, did amazing things. Yes, always checking for secret traps, treasure, and bf's :P

So, i recently meet someone ive known for a year. We have only been hanging with eachother for three weeks now, and im scared as hell.

Whats scares me the most, is he's a gamer, he's a freak like me, super cute, and 17 years younger than me. Yupperz real scared. Why should i complain and just roll with it. I mean ive had other bf's and i sorta knew they were not what i was looking for. This one...he scares me because i may find happiness. To maybe only lose it agian.

Did you know i hate dice games, but im gonna roll with it anyway. Life is short. They say you only live once, sometimes you can live more than that.

If i give up, I lose. Do I play the Lock Door card or Sheriff, or Victor ? or do i hold it for a better oppurtunity ??? Play the damn card, and new oppurtunities will arise.

If you dont like Incubus, there is always Lords of Acid Lust CD, words to strip to :P

Stay strong, stay focused
Hugz
me

[soundguy]

17ys is nuttin once you are both in the mid+ adult age range.

best of luck.

ps. not like dice games.. i love em.

[MoonSylver]

Glad to hear that there is recovery for some. I guess what makes my situation tough for me to deal with is mental/emotional health issues I've been slowly opening up to friends on various message boards about: Dysthymia (chronic clinical depression that doesn't go away), some anxiety & panic issues, & Avoidant & Borderline personality disorders.

Bottom line I'm a mess. Won't bore anyone with the details. If interested, click links below. They describe me to a "T". But needless to say, all of that makes it difficult to make friends, form relationships, or have a positive outlook. Also makes sense of why I like Solo boardgames so much... :\

Anyway, sorry to derail SP's thread. I envy you though. I can remeber when movies like "When Harry Met Sally" really touched me, because I could relate. Now they seem totally alien to me. I can't even figure out how I ever felt like that. The outlook is totally forgien to me .But, as I say, such is life.

Dysthymeia

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder