Junior High of the Dead: Chapters 1-6 - Rough Draft

[JurassicTimes]

Posted below is the newest chapter. I've tried to follow the suggestions given to a degree. I want to finish writing the story before I do a major overhaul in revision because editing bits and pieces when I feel like it is one of the contributors to the reason why the story can be choppy. I've mainly tried to focus this chapter on increasing the reader's knowledge of the characters as well as the drama factor. I've also put a bit of effort in clearing up the use of past and present tense but the transition between the two in this chapter is really crappy and due for revision. Beware, contains adult language and violence, oh yes. lots of gore.


---

Liam had continued walking through the soft mist-like rain. Sure, Heather and the others were following him, and occasionally they'd shout for him to stop or slow, but he didn't. He ignored them entirely. Why should he? Liam had stabbed someone in cold blood and left them. He likely would've killed him too, but the man wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth a damn nickel of Liam's time. All he proved to be was annoying, but he couldn't help but notice what he brought out from Liam. A dark sort of evil that Liam had been shutting away almost his entire life. The evil he tried as a kid to say never existed when in reality it was always within him.

What was Liam capable of? Sure, he missed Trinh, she was his friend. But he didn't even cry when she died nor afterwards. Nobody in the group had time to let out the tears and words for all their friends and family that were now dead, all because he kept them going, because his lack of caring and empathy had made him carry on when the others couldn't and they followed him because of that, they never would've followed him if things had stayed normal, they all would've continued to shun him away for the social wierdo he was, for the strange erratic behavior and hyperactivity which was Liam's only way of dealing with anxiety and filtering out the pain.

Liam felt dragged down, he always viewed himself as nothing, whenever anybody at school would insult him, he'd shake it off by agreeing with them, and he got bullied constantly at Chippewa. It was just much less noticeable when he focused on his friends instead. His friends? Did he really have any? Liam had spent the past year of his life curled up in his apartment, eating takeout and playing video games. For a full year he had no life and gained weight massively over that period. The only company he had was his abusive father who he kept such a distance from in that small house, it was like he didn't exist. Then there was his cat, who he loved dearly.

The cat was the only thing he saw as alive after being kicked out of school. He felt so alone, that for him hearing the cat's breathing and it's heartbeat was the only thing that convinced him than anything was real. Liam had taken the time to recollect on his life ever since he jumped off that bus, he thought about the furthest memories he had, the ones from when he was only two or three years old, how his father abused his mother and how it affected him, turned him into a dominant and violent child around other kids and occasionally his teachers. The "gangster" type attitude he'd show all the time, then the "sweet and innocent" image he'd portray around his family. Then his dad returning from being away half his life, and living with him. The life he had led thus far --- though what stood out the most for Liam in his thoughts were those of a girl; Kyana Kovacs.

The most agonizing part for Liam was the fact that he didn't even bother to look for her when they went to Evelyn Harrison, Devin had mentioned her and he still let it slip. He tried to block out what he could about her even though he used to love her and other than his best friend Jared, she was really the only helping hand for him in that god forsaken school. It seemed as if everybody else either ignored him or bullied him.

Was it worth it? He thought about all he did afterwards, the crush on his step-cousin, the obsession with gore and pornography that followed. The aftermath of his expulsion had caused Liam to enter a mode of temporary insanity that he was able to shut out of his head with the idea of a new start at a new school, then the helping hands of Judie and his friend Lindsay over Facebook. Then on the first day at his new school he met Joslyn, Amy and Trinh, they came into his life and changed everything. He had a group of friends who he could talk to, who protected him from any insults, and he didn't have a damn care in the world. Right when he thought that his entire life being surrounded by pain was over. He saw his friends leave him, it was the last day of school and up until everything went to shit because of the undead, the only person who had said a single word to him was one of his schoolmates Monica.

Joslyn and Amy didn't even acknowledge him until he burst into the dance floor screaming like a maniac. Everybody else tried to help him, but his mouth remained shut. This was his life, his curse, to lose everything at the drop of a hat. He looked down, his hands were still bloody from what poured onto his hand out of Devin's chest but with each drop of rain it seemed to wash off. His fists were clenched tight for warmth, It had been hours of walking without a single rest and his legs ached. They were already halfway downtown now, which wasn't much of a shock considering how much walking they had done in how much time it had taken.

Liam was slightly surprised that he hadn't caught a cold or worse from the weather, but that wasn't truly what concerned him nor what actually grabbed his attention. Instead, what had confused him was the fact that they hadn't seen a single zombie. "Not a damn one." he thought to himself. It didn't make much sense, even if his theory of zombies "migrating" for more food did, this didn't. There would've been survivors left, there would've been zombies left. But there was nothing, just smashed windows, cars that had been left with the doors opened or flipped over. He paused, and looked up at the now close skyscrapers of the city, was there anybody trapped in them? He instantly shook his head and looked down at his feet, it still wouldn't matter. They'd be on their own. Liam had to focus on himself, It was just him now and nobody else.

That's when he heard the steps of footsteps coming from behind him. He didn't expect to, but as he listened it was almost as if the person was running. Liam turned around ninety degrees and saw Heather, finally catching up to him. He was about to turn his head away when she grabbed his arm. He struggled to break free of her grasp and run off, but before he could, she had pulled him in and kissed him on the lips.

Liam pauses and stands still almost frozen as the rain begins to pick up again. Heather pulls back from his face.

"Are you going to stop running away now?" she jokes, before stretching out her arms and hugging him. Liam still remains frozen. His mouth struggling to move so he can speak. He notices that Heather is soaking wet from the rain, her skin is ice cold and her clothes are drenched. He rests his head on Heather's shoulder and whispers into her ear.

"I stabbed him.. I..."

"It's alright," she tells him, pulling back from the hug and smiling. She takes off her glasses and lifts up the bottom of her shirt to try and defog them. Liam however notices David and the others have finally made their way over. David mouths the words "Are you okay?" to which Liam nods, turning his attention back to Heather. Who puts her glasses back on and smiles at Liam. Liam tries to make her feel better by doing a cheeky half-smile to which Heather takes off her blue fishing hat and places it on Liam's head, she laughs and he smiles. Liam turns to the display glass of the store next to him and looks at himself in the reflection, The hat fit's his head and hides the grease-ball of a head he has. Kurt walks up to Liam and extends his arm for a handshake. Liam shakes his hand, smiling.

"Glad to have you back" he remarks. Liam gives a soft laugh, Kurt smiles and walks back over to Sara, there is a sudden tone of seriousness between the two and they take a seat down on a nearby bench. Kurt and Sara begin conversing but Liam doesn't hear what they're talking about. Instead he decides to do what's right, and finish the train of thought and talk about what was on his mind all this time. He walks over to Amy who's sitting on the street corner alone. He doesn't want to scare her but he still walks up silently and sits down next to her, she has earphones in, and is seemingly unaware of her presence. He observes her for a few seconds then he pokes her in the shoulder in hopes of getting her attention. She takes out one of the earphones.

"Are you alright?" he questions.

"I guess." she answers, keeping her solitude and seemingly apathetic attitude. She looks down at her converse sneakers then back at Liam, he coughs into his arm then looks at the road in front of him, picking up a small pebble and throwing it before opening his mouth to speak again.

"Things have been bad between us... I get that and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that's happened, I'm sorry for today. Even if it's not my fault, Part of it has been. The way I was acting these past few weeks, the strange behaviour, It's only been because I was afraid of losing Joslyn, I was afraid of losing Trinh, I was afraid of losing Monica, and I was afraid of losing you and now, I don't even know what I'm afraid of anymore, all I know is that you're all I have left, and I need you to be here. Even if you're not a hundred-percent with what I'm saying."

"Monica told me about you and-- heck the whole school probably has. If anything, I already know what you're about to say and... I can't tell you if I feel the same way. " Amy responds, turning her head away. Liam looks at her confused. She knows what he's going to say?

"Then tell me." he comments.

"You're going to tell me that you love me or whatever." Amy responds, Liam's face instantly turns a beet red, he turns away from her and takes a few seconds to recollect himself. He turns back over.

"No. You're wrong. What I was going to say is that it doesn't matter what is going to happen, or has happened because you're still my friend. I owe you as much as to make sure you get out of here alive. Even if we never speak again afterwards I have to make up for my mistakes and I failed with Joslyn and Trinh, I let them down. I never should've done that. I'm not asking for forgiveness or anything, I've made my mistakes and I pay for them. I just want you to know that I'm not going to fail you, you're getting out of this alive. That's a promise." Liam gets up off of the ground and brushes himself off, wiping away the dirt and such that had gotten on his track pants He looks at Amy and considers patting her on the shoulder, but decides against it and walks away. Leaving Amy to sit on the curb thinking for a few seconds before she puts her earphones back in and shuts out the world again.

Liam's attention turns over to Judie, who wanders around before sitting down up against a street pole. She pulls out her cellphone. The message "NO SERVICE" continuously appears on the screen. Liam looks over at her and the thought of guilt crosses over his mind. He had hoped that she had forgotten about what happened at the school, but he knew that wasn't likely at all. He stares at her noting her unique blonde hair and deep blue eyes, though she pays not even the slightest bit of attention to him. He sighs and takes the fishing cap off of his head, looking at it and paying attention to the detail, he walks over towards her but stops halfway when she begins talking;

"I don't expect that you'll ever be able to make this right, or that I'll ever forgive you. But, I can't blame you for this forever. Because it's not really your fault. You did what you could and I can at least thank you for that." she says, still staring at the phone, with a blank expression on her face. Liam looks at her again, placing the fishing cap back on his head. He thinks of something to respond with but his mind is blank.

"Liam," a voice calls from behind with a tapping on his back. Liam turns around and see's David who holds out the knife that had been used to attack Devin and places it in Liam's hand, he looks down looks at the knife and shakes his head, handing it back over to David.

"I don't want it, You can have it if you'd like, but I refuse."

"You sure?" David questions, Liam nods in confirmation. David shrugs and slides the knife between his pants and belt as a temporary holster.

"Liam, David, can you guys come here for a second?" Kurt asks from the bench. David and Liam nod and they both walk towards Kurt and Sara.

"What's going on?" Liam questions. They look at him, Kurt however is the first to answer.

"Sara's injured, she pulled a muscle in her leg."

"I'm fine." Sara comments. Kurt looks back and nods his head in disagreement. Liam pats Kurt on the shoulder. The last time he heard someone say they were fine, they actually weren't, and that person was now probably part of the ranks of undead that had torn the guts out of this city literally.

"It just hurt's a bit to walk. That's all. I can prove it."

Sara stomps on the ground to try to prove that she's alright, but the results aren't as she expects, as the tremor sends a ton of pain through her leg she instantly jumps in pain and curls up on the bench holding her leg, tears erupting from her eyes. David assesses the situation, he looks over at Liam who's trying to think of a solution to the issue at hand.

"We got to come up with some sort of strategy here Liam. It's not as simple as just getting ice and a good massage, we're out in the open in the urban part of the city, staying here is ringing the dinner bell for the zombies."

"You're right, it's not an option, we need to find a place, some shelter from the weather and these things. Where we can settle down. It's going to be getting dark soon. We can search for some supplies this evening, go back to this safe house, set up a signal to let other survivors and the military that we're alive, then go back out tomorrow and repeat." Liam replies, coming up with a strategy, he's not a fan of waiting to be rescued, and would much rather take action, but at the moment, the only action he can really take is finding a place to sit and wait.

"I think there is some warehouses nearby, maybe a few blocks from here. The windows are really high up and the doors and walls are pretty much made of iron and steel so nothing could really get through them." Kurt inputs.

"Good thinking. We should get going then. I don't think staying here much longer is a good idea either. Are we all in agreement?" Liam smirks. The three nod. Liam turns around towards the others.

"Alright people, listen up. We should get moving, we're going to find a warehouse and hole up there. There's a small industrial district probably only a few blocks from here, but I want everyone to stay close. Alright?" The group nods and Liam starts walking; Heather, Carly and David behind him. Kurt helps Sara up onto her feet, Amy and Julie lift themselves off the ground and they follow his lead.

The group continues the trek for minutes, passing various abandoned stores and vehicles. It's almost as if the whole city just disappeared in a flash without leaving very much of a trace. They continue down the long street, watching for any zombies but not noticing any. Liam stops the group as they turn an intersection to the scene of a bloody struggle that in turn didn't end well for anybody, Liam notices that the smell of decay is worse. They've smelt it all day long, but here it reeks. The street is filled with dead bodies, where people have been torn in half, their guts spilt on the side of the pavement.

Upon looking at the scene, the majority of the group turns and looks away Carly and Sara gag at the sight. Liam continues to look around keeping an eye out for any zombies or items of use. Instead he finds a slightly large alleyway halfway down the street to the next intersection. If they cut through, they could avoid having to step over the bodies of the dead and in total walk around the gruesome scene. The group follows him towards the alleyway, but when he turns the corner, the his jaw drops, as what he see's is not at all what he expected. Hundreds of undead crowded in the alleyway, pushing and shoving for a meal that's probably long gone now.

"Go Back! Go Back!" Liam shouts to the others, the attention of the zombie mob turn towards them and the zombies all begin shambling towards the group, snarling and moaning, the massive numbers make it seem like there's an endless flow of them pouring out from the alleyway. The group starts running down the street towards the intersection, ignoring the dead bodies below them and only hoping that none of the bodies attempt to snatch at them.

Thankfully, the group is fast enough to outrun the undead, Liam stops halfway to do a body count, he counts Kurt right behind him, followed by Heather, Carly, Judie, David and looks over to see Sara who is the last, he shouts at her to hurry up, but she's still limping. Liam tries to run over to help the slow and limping Sara who is only a few feet away, but he isn't fast enough as, one of the undead lunges out and grabs hold of Sara's long hair and pulls making her tumble down onto the road. The undead falls on top of her, biting her on the arm as she tries to fend it off. Liam knows that it's too late for her now and doesn't want to have to deal with putting her down the way they did with Trinh, Kurt however stops at the front of the group and rushes back to get her, only to be stopped by David who rushes in to hold him back.

"No! Let me go! David let me f'ing go! Sara! Sara!" Kurt screams, kicking and flailing as David struggles to hold him back. Liam rushes over to help David deal with Kurt, when he looks over at Heather, Carly, Amy and Judie all of whom are frozen in shock, he searches around and notices the warehouse is just down the street.

"Run to that warehouse, now!" the few can barely stand to watch the scene but the undead are already right on top of Sara and are closing in on the rest of them. Kurt watches, eyes wide open as the undead begin their feast, tearing away at her flesh as she screams in agony. He can't bare but struggle against David and Liam as Sara is virtually eaten alive by a whole group, one of them tearing a chunk from her leg, the other from her side, and another ripping apart her clothing, throwing the torn remnants of her shirt and bra and tearing a chunk out of her left breast. Kurt watches the tears pouring out of her eyes before a fourth zombie kneels over and bites down into her cheek with its teeth, the scene has instantly became a blood bath as another five zombies join in, this time tearing off her pants and beginning to feast on her legs, one of the dead manages to fit into the mess and rips into her exposed stomach, pulling out a long string of her intestines. The screaming from her voice has long since turned into a gurgling growl as David can count already over ten zombies ripping her apart, he gags at the sight. Liam just watches disturbingly, while Kurt still fights against them, still under the belief that he can save her. That's when David's attention changes elsewhere. To the large number of zombies not attacking her, but instead moving in on them. Kurt continues to flail, shouting out various obscenities and crying out for Sara, his voice has become incredibly dry from screaming and shouting.

"Liam, we got to go now!" David shouts to him over Kurt's voice, as the zombies move even closer to them. The two try to move as fast as they can away from the scene, but it's nearly impossible to drag Kurt with the way he is struggling. Liam sighs and David looks at him. Liam decides there is only one thing he can do and using his elbow bashes Kurt in the back of his head, rendering him unconscious. David and Liam instantly jolt towards the warehouse, dragging the now knocked out Kurt. They turn the corner to find zombies beginning to flood there as well. Kurt and Sara's screaming has attracted nearly every zombie in the area. Liam looks at David and then at the zombies in front of them.

"I'll carry Kurt to the warehouse, I want you to cover me. Alright?"

"Deal." David responds, he pulls out the knife and gets ready to attack any zombies, Liam lifts Kurt over his shoulder and drags him along to the warehouse, they reach the door just in time for three zombies to make it there as well. Heather holds the door open, and Liam instantly throws Kurt to the ground inside, pulling and shoving David inside and slamming the front door shut, moving various objects in the way of the door.

Liam parks himself against a wall in the warehouse, he looks around at the items inside and doesn't find much useful and slides down to the floor, sweating and breathing heavily. He hears the snarls of the undead as they pound against the front door. He lifts himself to his feet and tries to stand straight but he wobbles like a piece of overcooked spaghetti. He closes his eyes and tries to think of something that will take his mind off the death of yet another member of their group but he can't think of anything. Instead he leans over on his side and falls almost sound asleep.

[Old Dwarf]

Well I can see ID influence,it's a coherent chapter.Sentence structure need work,you have sentences that run on & on,
I ran out of breath getting through some of the paragraphs.

When you revise your early chapters you'll need to expand character backgrounds so that their actions make sense.
Like what goes with Heather!I still find Liam this, fat grease ball ,hard to except as leader of the pack .If your going
to start him off like this you really need to spend some time letting him grow.Perhaps even having him as part
of the pack first who gradually earns respect & emerges as a leader. I believe King did this in 'It".

All these Jr High girls who take pity on Liam just doesn't come off as realistic,let's face it girls of this age
don't befriend dorks especially hygenic challenged ones.

Jr High of the Dead?Is this title set in stone? If so what age group are you writing for,most anyone over
17 aren't going to bother to go beyond the title.

Again I'm enjoying your journey on this novel.

OD

[samuraitrev]

This is a tighter narrative. Certain characters are now getting their own 'voice'. David is practical and assertive whilst other characters are insular and seem to be understandably suffering from shock such as Amy.

Alongside your zombielore knowledge it's also common for writers to people watch. Listen in on conversations and watch body language etc. Always carry a small writing pad. I used a small black book I carried in my back pocket. Coffee shops or a bar, anywhere really. Also use the internet for research for example if you wanted to look up the symptoms of shock or you want to know about the weight or model of a gun.

Good move with starting to kill a few off. The mood of the chapter was set well with the long monotonous trudge through the rain. This helped me as a reader to understand Liam's feelings of despair and helplessness.
I want to find out. Is Devlin still alive?
Are they safe in the warehouse?
How will Kurt act when he wakes up?
Don't answer any of these questions now. My lecturer had a saying 'show not tell'.

Hope this helps.

[jimbal]

I am on the same page as OD I think. There is a lot of promise in the storyline and it could be a fun little read. I am glad so many other people on here have good advice for you. I am pretty terrible when it comes to giving any advice when it comes to writing. I tend to write something on a whim and never look back and while that is a great way to get ideas on paper and flesh out characters, it makes for a pretty tough read. I would say Sam, OD, and the Daigler have all given really good feedback and you have certainly picked a great place to post this project. Hope to see it get bigger and better.

[Irish Daigle]

I completely agree with Samuraitrev about people watching. Even among groups of people I'm pretty familiar with I tend to sit back a lot and just observe how they act and talk. You'll see how people, even after as little as a few minutes, will begin to take on the speech patterns and mannerisms of each other. Slight stuff like accents will begin to creep in, bare but noticeable if you know to listen for it.

Another good bit of advice I call the "3 Senses Rule". While you're writing your first draft it can be very helpful to make sure, for the purposes of description, that you have 3 of the 5 senses in any given scene being used. Most of the time - a very big majority - this is going to be sight and sound with an additional sense. Use the most important senses for the tone and mood you want to convey. Sometimes leaving out important visual details in favor of a subtle scent can change everything about what a scene conveys.

I also think it's wise not to go on a revisionist frenzy with stuff you've already written until you've gotten the majority of the first draft written. Revisionist hell is one of the biggest causes of a story not getting finished. There's an axiom that "no good writing is done, only good editing", and while it's not necessarily true in the strictest sense, it's a great concept to keep in mind while you write to keep you moving forward.

[JurassicTimes]

Quote:When you revise your early chapters you'll need to expand character backgrounds so that their actions make sense.
Like what goes with Heather! I still find Liam this, fat grease ball ,hard to except as leader of the pack .If your going
to start him off like this you really need to spend some time letting him grow.Perhaps even having him as part
of the pack first who gradually earns respect & emerges as a leader. I believe King did this in 'It".

I plan on doing this when I revise the earlier chapters. I realize jumping into characterization and such in later half of the book won't make all as much sense unless I do it in the first half as well.

Quote:Jr High of the Dead?Is this title set in stone? If so what age group are you writing for,most anyone over
17 aren't going to bother to go beyond the title.

I'm still not sure about the title. If I had to select it under an age group, it would likely be fit unto the mature section. It doesn't contain blood, guts, and nudity as a constant throughout the story but it definitely touches upon those themes occasionally. As for the title, it was originally "Middleschool of the Dead" and had been for a good two years before I decided to change the name. I just wanted something that would generally reflect the story without being cheesy or such. If you guys have any suggestions for another name feel free to throw them out there.

Quote:Good move with starting to kill a few off. The mood of the chapter was set well with the long monotonous trudge through the rain. This helped me as a reader to understand Liam's feelings of despair and helplessness.
I want to find out. Is Devlin still alive?
Are they safe in the warehouse?
How will Kurt act when he wakes up?
Don't answer any of these questions now. My lecturer had a saying 'show not tell'.

The mood of this chapter will continue to carry and transition over the next chapter, with a few swings and twists. As for those questions, half of them will be answered next chapter.

Quote:I am glad so many other people on here have good advice for you. I am pretty terrible when it comes to giving any advice when it comes to writing.

Yes, I am normally crap when it comes to writing reviews to (but when it comes to talking about them, it turns into a different story strangely.) But I thank you for reading and continuing to follow!

Quote:Another good bit of advice I call the "3 Senses Rule". While you're writing your first draft it can be very helpful to make sure, for the purposes of description, that you have 3 of the 5 senses in any given scene being used. Most of the time - a very big majority - this is going to be sight and sound with an additional sense. Use the most important senses for the tone and mood you want to convey. Sometimes leaving out important visual details in favor of a subtle scent can change everything about what a scene conveys.

It's funny you happened to mention that Daigle as I've been playing around with this in the next chapter and I find it helps a lot when it comes to implementing a dramatic moment or scene. I also know some people are really into what they read and describing things like that normally gives them a much better feel of the story and the scene's within. It also comes in handy when I need to write a scene that I feel I can't explain as well visually as say I could from an auditory point of view.

Quote:I also think it's wise not to go on a revisionist frenzy with stuff you've already written until you've gotten the majority of the first draft written.

As I think I've already stated, I'm going to hold off on revising the book until I finish just writing out the story. Even if it's not spectacular writing, it will give me a very rough writing that I can work with, edit, change, swap and add to.

[Irish Daigle]

Quote:As I think I've already stated, I'm going to hold off on revising the book until I finish just writing out the story. Even if it's not spectacular writing, it will give me a very rough writing that I can work with, edit, change, swap and add to.

I meant to quote you when you said that before so that the context would be me agreeing with that choice, but it was late and I forgot.

[JurassicTimes]

(01-08-2013 12:05 AM)Irish Daigle Wrote:  

Quote:As I think I've already stated, I'm going to hold off on revising the book until I finish just writing out the story. Even if it's not spectacular writing, it will give me a very rough writing that I can work with, edit, change, swap and add to.

I meant to quote you when you said that before so that the context would be me agreeing with that choice, but it was late and I forgot.

Ah, sorry for the confusion. This next chapter's kind of long and pretty exhausting to write, but I think it'll be fun to read when it's finished.

[JurassicTimes]

I managed to rewrite the prologue, I think it's a better introduction to the novel that will become immediately relevant to the story when referring to chapter eight. It also answers a plot mystery about chapter six that I had posted above. I'm still not going to revise any more chapters until I finish the story. I'm working on chapter seven at the moment and as I said, it's pretty long and exhausting. But please enjoy the new prologue and hit me back with any feedback. Also -- apologies for double posting.

----

Kat walked down the urban streets of London, Ontario. It was the small hours of the morning, the sky was pitched black, the bars were closed, the day was new. But that was only temporarily the case, in a few hours this section of downtown would be flooded with life -- people would be rushing around to get to work. But at the current time, it was still dark and the streets were barren and empty, there were a few faces here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary, some people would make midnight runs to the nearby variety store for a pack of smokes.

London was the half-way point between Toronto and Detroit. It was a moderately small city, home to just over 300,000 people and to the second oldest ballpark in the world. London was probably better known as the birthplace of people like screenwriter Paul Haggis and pop hit Justin Bieber. David Suzuki had spent a large portion of his childhood being raised here, and this was also the city where Fredrick Banting first developed Insulin. But aside from those factors, London was practically nowhere. Upon first looks, it was a nice small town, but living in the town was a different story, the city was divided between street gangs, and it was common for anybody over the age of twenty-five to be involved in the world of drug abuse. Still, it had been known as the "city of opportunity" and "the forest city" with the city being filled with trees, a whole variety of trees, ranging from oak to pine to the casual evergreen. The city also had a large downtown section that's skyline could be seen from the farthest reaches of the city, the tallest building in the skyline being a large glass skyscraper.

Kat was returning home after working her casual day to day shift. Her job? A late-night prostitute. She was only nineteen years old, but she had been kicked out of her house by her parents and was now struggling to make a living paying rent and praying to eventually make enough money to afford a college education. She looked around at the empty streets, she wanted to walk the casual route home, but decided that she would go a different path, she had continued walking down the dark downtown street when something had grabbed at her leg causing her to trip and fall hard onto the cement pathway. She lifts herself up, looking back at who or what had grabbed her and saw a man around thirty to fourty years old, his face wrinkly, his eyes pale like a blind man, drooling out a white slime onto his thick grey and scraggly beard. He was obviously a homeless.

"What the f is your problem?" she shouts at him with anger, expecting a sudden apology from the man. Instead, he just stares at her, still drooling slightly, his hair is also a a greasy mess, his clothes are ripped and torn, and clearly pulled from a dumpster seeing as underneath his numerous jackets he was wearing a small blue and pick v-neck tee that read "Celebrity Status". But the most notable factor from this man was his smell, he reeks. He obviously hasn't had a shower in a while -- a long while. She lifts herself up off of the ground and wipes off the dirt from her clothes, she pulls out her cell phone in a rush to see if it's alright as the thought crosses her mind that "Maybe I should just get a ride home." she did have a few glasses to drink and it had made her a bit clumsy. However, upon pulling out her phone she is distraught to find that the screen has cracked and the phone is of no use. She curses. She looks back down at the homeless man who continues to stare at her with an oddball expression, she turns away, the smell of this man almost reminds her of her own smell.

She had taken a shower not even a day earlier, but it was late June and the temperature had been getting increasingly warmer as summer reached it's peak raising as high as fourty-six degrees celcius, her tight clothes made it impossible for any air to circulate, and she also had intercourse with a rather sweaty man herself not even two hours prior, but she couldn't complain, he was amazing in bed and the money was good. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a small bottle of perfume and sprays it, hoping to cover up whatever odor she had been unleashing. That's when her attention turns to the homeless man who sniffs the air and raises himself off the ground, turning towards her.

"What's your problem, 'freak show'?" she asks.

Just then, the man lashes out at her, and shoves her onto the ground trying to bite at her, she screams and shoves the man off and starts down the alleyway behind her in absolute terror. She cries as the man rushes after her, he's shambling incredibly show, but that's when she notices another man chasing after her, sprinting even. She sobs, fearing her life which is now flashing before her eyes, her birthday when she was seven, the hunting trip with her father when she turned eleven, and the decision she made that locked her boyfriend in prison when she was fourteen. Regretting every mistake and wanting to call her parents and apologize for all that she had done wrong in life, that's when she turns the corner of the alleyway and runs face to face with another man, he is quick to shove a shotgun in her face. She closes her eyes tight and prepares to die when she hears the sounds of the shells being fired, she turns her head and opens her eyes to see both the homeless man and the other man who was chasing after her have both been shot dead.

"You alright?" he asks, offering her a hand off the ground.

"You just killed those people, what the hell are you thinking!" she shoves him, he gives her a blank look.

"Those 'people' aren't human, at least not anymore." he turns around and opens up the back door to one of the buildings of the alleyway.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she screams, demanding answers.

"Those 'people' --- are zombies. I've seen enough movies to know one when I see one, and if I were you, I'd get in here before those things come back for some more." he comments, walking inside. She looks around and follows him inside. He closes the door and locks it, however on the outside of the door, the story changes and the idea of a safe haven or sanctuary in this building changes.

It isn't long before more of these "zombies" begin appearing, one by one they arrive at the door, some arrive moaning and grasping but without a breath nor a pulse; shambling with their half decayed bodies, some arrive sprinting faster than an athlete on steroids; breathing heavily and shrieking loudly. But it isn't long before there is well over thirty of them trying to break in through this door, expanding across the large alleyway. The sun has still yet to rise, but it becomes clear with the large number of these attackers that whatever chaos has stricken this town, it's set in stone to be it's demise.

[samuraitrev]

I enjoyed reading your new prologue although I'm confused how it relates to Junior. I liked how her life flashed before her eyes this gave the character depth. You told us a little about the setting and you didn't over do it and lose my interest. However I would rework the wording at the end of the prologue.

'The sun has still yet to rise, but it becomes clear with the large number of these attackers that whatever chaos has stricken this town, it's set in stone to be it's demise.'

It seems a little clunky. This is the hook, you have to get the reader to want to turn the page. It's okay but are we going to settle for okay?

Keep it up. You could be on to something here.