Zombie novel that im writeing.

[deadrabbit]

this is part of chapter one, there is alot missing at the end of this and alot missing from the beginning that is not finished. i just thought id give you guys a sneak peek at my work.ive never wrote anything before outside of creative writing class which i havent taken yet so i havent done any writing at all. i plan on making this a trilogy the first book being called paradise lost, or finding paradise. more info later i dont want to give away the plot or any of my plans just in case some of you might want to read it. tell me what you think, i dont want to waste my time if i suck at writing so tell me if i do. remember parts are missing. this might not seem like a zombie story yet but it is.




A hundred drops per second clashed with the speeding car. Making a repeating thud noise in the carriage of the vehicle, you could barley hear the music playing in the back ground. Or the ringing cell phone in Dougs pocket. His eyes sprung open. I must have dozed off. He patted his coat pocket, his left pant pocket, then his right. There you are. The over weight man took a deep breath, pushed his shoulders into his chair and lifted his stomic to fit his hands in his deep pockets. “got it”he said as he relaxed in his chair.
The phone stopped ringing just before he could answer it. Missed call from Denise. Shit. Doug fumble with the phone, driving with his elbows. he returned the call and glanced over to his passenger, Still asleep. He put the phone between his shoulder and cheek and returned two hands back on the wheel The phone rang 4 times before she answered “Hello” said a woman on the other end.
“Hey honey” Doug replied “ how are you?”
“im ok hunny how are you holding up, fall asleep yet?”
doug look down at the radio, 4 o'clock.
“no not yet, hey babe what time is it”
“umm around 4 why” Denise ask.
“i was just wondering cuz dont you have to go to work in the morning”doug recited” you should really gey some sleep”
“ya I know but I just missed you so much I had to call”,
“ok well I miss you too, its just im driving so I cant talk right now, dont want to get in a crash or something”
doug tooked his phone off his ear, looked at his passenger, then put the phone on his other ear.
“well thats another reason why I called” she stated “ i was worried sick about you, you havent called sense you left this morning”
“aww thanks for carrying hunny” he said in a hush voice “ill call you the second I get to the hotel”
“ok you better, I love you babe”
“love you to hun, now get some sleep”
“Goodbye” she said in a baby voice
Doug looked up as if staring into the mental picture he was drawing and smiled.
“Goodbye”
Doug pressed the phone on his chest closing it and shoved it in his pocket.
The car was now silent leaving doug alone to his thoughts, but not fore long.
“who was on the phone” Ask the passenger.
Doug grabbed his heart and jump into the back of his chair,, sucking in enough air in that split second to fill his lungs. frozen in silence, Double taking back and forth from the road and his wife.
“oh my god ha ha, you scared the crap out of me” doug chuckled. A sudden serious face come over him, how long have you been awake?
“Long enough” amy quickly replied”who was on the phone?”
Eyebrow raised, Amy stared at him with a look of suspicion. Just tell me you piece of shit I already know
“uhh it was nate, uh nate mikmery, from church.
“and what did he need?” Amy Questioned
Doug looked back at the road, seconds later his eyes lit up, so did the light bulb above his head.
“heee wanted someone to talk to cuz he was thinking about relapsing”
dougs eyes wer locked on the road, waiting to see if she bought it. His skin began to swet.
“didnt nate stop doing drugs like 5 years ago?”
her sarcasm ran shivers down his spine. Doug rubbed the back of his neck to ease the pain, but nothing could cure the pain of the butterfly's eating away ate his stomic.
He was so lost in his own thoughts that he forgot about the question his wife asked. Oh ya.
“well ya” doug repleid “but that makes it all the more important that he dosent do it again”
deep breath in deep breath out “ok doug I see your not going to every tell me the truth, soo ill just tell you the truth, I know about her. Ive known for almost a year. Do you really think your lame excuses would fool me for ever. I mean how many preachers go on business trips.”
doug tried to retaliate with an excuse but the only thing that come out was an “ehh”
Amy waited for a response. She quickly realized it was never coming. Pussy. She turned to doug, one arm on the dashboard, one on her arm rest. Doug sat silent in his seat trying as hard as he can not to look at his intimidating wife.
“and to tell you the truth I dont even care, you piece of shit! Ya at first I was sad, I even tried to kill myself. But I realized you, the person ive been married to for 22 years were not werth it. I dont love you any more, havent for awhile”
Amy tilted her head to the side in an attempt to make her husband look at her in the eyes.
“I dont love you” she repeated ”Hard to hear isnt it,kinda takes the funn outa al thows nights you thought you were sneaking around, thought you were tricking me, think again.”
like a child he sat and took the verbal beating. Tears ran down his cheek. Ever thing she said caused Dougs face to twitch and a pain in his gut Like ever word was a grenade exploding in his stomic.
He grabbed his stomic and wiped the blinding tears out of his eyes. Waiting for his next beating.
“Did you even think about are kids, how much it would hurt them, how much it could change there lives, of course you didnt”
doug rubbed his forehead digging to the bone. “babe can you please just give me a break” he pleaded
“Babe! Now you get to call me babe!” she scram
doug looked at his wife for the first time in minutes. She starred lifeless at the road infront of her, hand glued over her mouth, eyes wide open. Doug swung his head back to the road only to be blinded by a cars bright headlights. And defend by its horn “look out!” his wife cryed while preparing for impact. He jerked the wheel to the right by instinct, just avoiding the incoming car. The horn faded away as he regained control of the fishtailing vehicle. Before doug could even blink it was replaced by another car.
Doug shielded his face from the light and looked over to his wife. He knew these were there last seconds.
His life didnt flash before his eyes but his mistakes did. He managed to shed one tear before there car collided with the incoming truck.
The grill of dougs car was engulfed by the hight of the truck, the front end of the car bent backwards making it almost as tall as the truck. The angle of the collison made the truck bend at the middle, And forced the front of the car into the back. Both cars went there separate ways, dougs car spinning to the left side of the road. And the truck kept moving forward until it was forced to stop about 40 feat away. Dougs car ended up on its side his. And the truck was nearly unharmed. Dougs eyes slowly opened. I cant see a thing. He rubbed his eyes, the smoke began to clear. He squinted at the sight until it was clear as day. His wifes head lay face down on the cement, a pool of blood around it. Bubbles come from the pool, she was drowning in her own blood. Doug tried to reach for his wife but was stoped by his seat belt. f. He turned back and yanked at the seat belt. Calm down. He tried the seatbelt button, it still didnt work. He pulled the belt as hard as he could in every direction, and let of a terrible scream. He gave up and tried to reach for her again, but still came up short.

[deadrabbit]

ill post the rest of the chapter when its finished hopefully by Monday.

[Sarku]

I read it. It seems to be pretty good. I got into the characters (for as short as the story is so far). You might want to run a spell check and grammar check on your final document. That kind of threw a wrench into the flow of the story as I was reading it. Keep up the good work though!

[deadrabbit]

Admin Wrote:I read it. It seems to be pretty good. I got into the characters (for as short as the story is so far). You might want to run a spell check and grammar check on your final document. That kind of threw a wrench into the flow of the story as I was reading it. Keep up the good work though!

ya im pretty bad at spelling and grammar, and i have double vision from an injury. so its pretty hard for me to write. i have to stp every ten minutes cuz my eyes will hurt or something. but thanks for the replaying, i was starting to think no one would read it. and thanks for the positive remark, it makes me want to write more. if you want to read more let me no and ill post it sometime.

[supervike]

Yep, I agree with our Admin. The characters are good, but grammar and spelling are crucial for writing. If a reader has to struggle to get through the paragraph, they will just as soon stop reading as opposed to continuing.

Please post some more! It's very fun and you seem to have lots of creativity.