Junior High of the Dead: Chapters 1-6 - Rough Draft

[JurassicTimes]

(01-09-2013 10:00 PM)samuraitrev Wrote:  I enjoyed reading your new prologue although I'm confused how it relates to Junior. I liked how her life flashed before her eyes this gave the character depth. You told us a little about the setting and you didn't over do it and lose my interest. However I would rework the wording at the end of the prologue.

'The sun has still yet to rise, but it becomes clear with the large number of these attackers that whatever chaos has stricken this town, it's set in stone to be it's demise.'

It seems a little clunky. This is the hook, you have to get the reader to want to turn the page. It's okay but are we going to settle for okay?

Reading it now, it does seem a bit clunky. I'll change it soon. It doesn't immediately intertwine with Junior High, but it does as I said in chapter six, and chapter eight. It's what leads to the large amount of undead in the alleyway that leads to Sara's demise in Chapter Six.