Personal Update: Bad News

[StayPuft]

(Note: Sorry. Another LOOOOONG post, so I will understand if many of you don't have the patience to read it. ;-) However, if you do read it, you will understand why it became so long)

So, I have to admit, I keep going to start writing this thread, and then second guessing myself. I hate to be that guy. We all know the type. They go all over Facebook, Myspace, whatever message boards they visit, and are constantly airing all their dirty laundry. They always have something to complain about and seems like they want to spew their personal issues to the entire world.

I do not want to be one of those guys. Spewing all this personal BS when nobody even cares. So, I usually try to keep my personal life very private. However, I have grown to think of this place, and you guys and gals as more than just a bunch of Internet folks on a message board. You guys are friends. You guys are almost like a second family. One that, sadly, I don’t get to see in person. But, at least we get to share a common obsession.

So, I kind of went back and forth on whether or not to post this. But, I felt like, for a few reasons, I wanted to let you guys know. I’ll explain the reasons in further detail below, but first, the bad news itself:

Very late last year, my then wife and I made the decision to split up. Though we haven’t been married for very long, we’d been together (and basically married in our own minds) for nearly 10 years. So, sometimes I guess people just change. I don’t want to go into too much detail. In a situation like this, it is hard for somebody so close to the situation to tell the story fairly. It is too hard not to make the other person sound like the bad guy. The most important thing is there is no bad guy here. We wanted different things out of life. They were things we thought we could come together on, but instead of that happening, they just grew bigger.

To be perfectly honest, I’d felt very unappreciated for a long time in that relationship. But, I always personally felt you work things out. I don’t believe in giving up. However, I always felt like it was me always giving, and her always taking. Relationships aren’t about one person being selfish. They are about compromise. About becoming partners. Many times, I felt committed to making things work, and never felt I got the same in return. Bottom line is, I deserve better. Coming from me, that is a REALLY powerful thing to hear myself saying. I don’t have much of a self-esteem. In fact, for most of my life, I had NO self-esteem. So, it means a lot that I would get to the point where I’d feel that way.

It was a very mutual thing. It just felt like what was best for us both. Right now, we are still technically married, but are slowly going to work towards the official divorce. It’s funny, though. In a way it was like a light switch. Once we made the decision, it was like things were back to where they should always have been. So, we’ve found that we are still very close, and plan to remain so. I know a lot of people say that at first, so hopefully that does remain the case. I can only speak for myself in that I would only ever do the right thing and make sure that she is properly taken care of in the divorce. I think I know her well enough to say the same thing for her, but time will tell for sure.

The funny thing is, in some ways, I expected to take a long time to get over all this. I expected to be very bitter and angry and turn back into the person I used to be. Strangely enough, it seems to be the opposite. I feel like the Phoenix rising from the ashes to concur the world. It is sad, but I think the truth is that I just spent so long feeling hurt and unappreciated that getting out of the situation was long overdue. So, I’ve honestly healed a lot more, and done a lot better than I even felt ready to do. Like, I honestly sometimes still feel like it is too soon for me to be this okay.

Anyway, this is getting long enough, so let me try to wrap up. I already mentioned that I finally decided to tell you all in large part because you feel like my Internet family. ;-) But, to be honest, another big reason (and mind you, this is something I’m not even thinking about until sometime down the road):

I thought, eventually I am probably going to want to date again. Eventually, I am probably going to want to find my true soulmate. When I do, I might want to talk about it here. However, I’ve mentioned my wife before, so how exactly would I do that? LOL! As far as you guys know I am married, and all of a sudden, out of the blue, I am talking about a girlfriend. What would you all think of me? LOL! If and when that ever does happen, I want it to be a happy occasion. So, I just figured it would be kind of awkward if I announced that whenever/if ever it actually happens without having announced this. ;-)