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friskers96 · (This post was last modified: 03-07-2013 04:09 AM by friskers96.)

Philly... If I manage to secure my old job, I may have to fly to PA for a week or so at a time off and on...

StayPuft · 03-07-2013, 08:27 PM

I have never even heard of Lilitz. So probably not very close. LOL! But, I have no clue. I'd have to look it up.

Alderdust,

LOL! I don't think so. You'd be more likely to get shot and/or mugged in Philly than in one of the suburbs. But, even in Philly I don't think it happens as often as you might would think. ;-)

spiritusXmachina · 05-03-2013, 09:45 AM

(03-05-2013 09:03 PM)StayPuft Wrote: So, I no longer feel I NEED a relationship. It used to feel like I needed that. Now, I definitely want one, but I can also be happy with me. So, it will be kind of exciting to date again without having to feel like I so badly want to be in a relationship.

Well, StayPuft, after that quote I don't think we have to worry about you. That's the best attitude you can have.

Greetings,
Gerald

StayPuft · 05-03-2013, 07:34 PM

(05-03-2013 09:45 AM)spiritusXmachina Wrote:
(03-05-2013 09:03 PM)StayPuft Wrote: So, I no longer feel I NEED a relationship. It used to feel like I needed that. Now, I definitely want one, but I can also be happy with me. So, it will be kind of exciting to date again without having to feel like I so badly want to be in a relationship.

Well, StayPuft, after that quote I don't think we have to worry about you. That's the best attitude you can have.

Greetings,
Gerald

Thanks! I do have to say that, the more time that goes on, the better I feel. And the better I feel, the more I realize I do really want to meet the woman with whom I am truly meant to spend my life. But, I have felt even more and more happy with me. I really really want to find her, but I feel like I can be happy either way.

I think being trapped in a bad relationship gives you an all new appreciation for NOT being in that relationship, even if it means being by yourself. I am soooo much better off by myself than I ever was in that relationship. Which is REALLY good, because I do not EVER want to make the same mistake again. If being in a bad relationship had made me just more desperately want to be in a good one, that is exactly when I would just wind up making the same mistake again. I do not want that. So, some day, maybe, hopefully my true soulmate will come along. I'm a romantic dude. But, if not, it feels so great to be happy with me. At least that is one thing I can say positive about that relationship. It helped me learn to grow to a better person myself.

Jabbadoor · 05-04-2013, 07:23 AM

Well, i am sorry to hear bout your divorce, and trust me, i know what im talking about here. Im in the process myself at the momemt. Technically, were still trying to work it out, but i know the writings on the wall, and wiht the missus being who she is, i can sum it up in some lyrics from Evita: "Seems to me theres no point in resistance. Shes made up her mind, You´ve no choice".

Me, of course im sad. Its 12 years of Marriage, and shes flushing it down the toilet. It complicates things that we have a child, and i cant live without that child. So for the time being, were still living together, but only as friends. Friends......funny word there. How do you revewrt to friends, after 12 years. I dont think it can happen, neither am i sure i´d like a friend, that can loose all her interest in me, in the span of 4 months, all the wile blaming me for not changing, when she didnt talk to me about her being unhappy. I may be dense, but i didnt see it coming, and i feel trainwrecked. I still love her, but her attitude towards this is slowly strangeling that love, to the point of suffocation. Oh well, Maybe ill rise from this experience a stronger man, but right now, not much to laugh at.

Still, if the loves gone, theres no amount of begging or changing yourself that will help.
Am glad for you, that you feel youre getting stronger, and happier. I long to reach that realization myself.
Best of luck Mate :-)

**samuraitrev** · 05-04-2013, 12:23 PM

Best of luck Jabbadoor,
I will never understand why people can change like that. I guess it's over a long period of time? I'm married with a two year old and what you're discribing i my worst nightmare. My thoughts are with you and I hope there can be some kind of reconsiliation.

**Sarku** · 05-06-2013, 03:12 PM

Go back for a second... Who knows Lititz? I lived there for a few years.

StayPuft · 05-06-2013, 07:04 PM

(05-04-2013 07:23 AM)Jabbadoor Wrote: Well, i am sorry to hear bout your divorce, and trust me, i know what im talking about here. Im in the process myself at the momemt. Technically, were still trying to work it out, but i know the writings on the wall, and wiht the missus being who she is, i can sum it up in some lyrics from Evita: "Seems to me theres no point in resistance. Shes made up her mind, You´ve no choice".

Me, of course im sad. Its 12 years of Marriage, and shes flushing it down the toilet. It complicates things that we have a child, and i cant live without that child. So for the time being, were still living together, but only as friends. Friends......funny word there. How do you revewrt to friends, after 12 years. I dont think it can happen, neither am i sure i´d like a friend, that can loose all her interest in me, in the span of 4 months, all the wile blaming me for not changing, when she didnt talk to me about her being unhappy. I may be dense, but i didnt see it coming, and i feel trainwrecked. I still love her, but her attitude towards this is slowly strangeling that love, to the point of suffocation. Oh well, Maybe ill rise from this experience a stronger man, but right now, not much to laugh at.

Still, if the loves gone, theres no amount of begging or changing yourself that will help.
Am glad for you, that you feel youre getting stronger, and happier. I long to reach that realization myself.
Best of luck Mate :-)

So sorry to hear what you are going through, my friend. That sounds really unfair of someone to do after 12 years of marriage, to just turn around and give up without even giving you a chance to try. I know a lot of times, women like to say they shouldn't have to spell everything out. And, honestly, I will admit they are right. But, at the same time, you don't let things get that bad without talking about it. Men are not the mind-readers some women seem to expect us to be.

You can realize things aren't the greatest without realizing they are on the cusp of breaking down entirely. Most people don't go around at every little argument, every little misunderstanding and think "Wow! My relationship is in trouble! We should go to couples counseling."

If things were getting that bad for her, it was her responsibility to talk to you about it. If you didn't want to do anything about it, then that is one thing. But to not even give you a chance was wrong, and was a cowardly thing to do.

To be honest, I think that is the problem with society these days. Not even just in relationships, but in life in general. Nobody wants to put in the hard work to get the things they want out of life. They think everything should just be easy. They think everything should just be handed to them. In the end, over 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce these days, and I think a lot of that is because nobody takes it seriously anymore.

Though it can be really hard to see this at the time, take it from somebody going through similar issues... You will find, in the long run, that you are much better off. Everybody deserves somebody who loves and appreciates them. You don't deserve to be with somebody who would give up on 12 years of marriage without even trying to make it work, especially with your child involved. Mind you, children are not a reason to stay in an unhappy marriage. They are a reason NOT to stay in an unhappy marriage. However, they are a reason to at least fight for what could have been the real thing.

I wish you the best, and I hope you can start to achieve the peace of mind to know that this is what is best for you. To know that you will be okay in the end. I hope that you and the ex will be able to part amicably, for the child's sake as well as both of you.

Know that if you need somebody to talk to, you can always shoot me a private message. If you want I will even give you my e-mail address. I am sure you probably have friends and family you can talk to, rather than some jabroni online. LOL! But, even so, if you ever wanted a neutral party, or even just a friend to talk to, even if they are just a faceless name behind a keyboard, I am here for you, bro! :-)

friskers96 · (This post was last modified: 05-06-2013 08:22 PM by friskers96.)

(05-06-2013 03:12 PM)Sarku Wrote: Go back for a second... Who knows Lititz? I lived there for a few years.

I DO!! The company Tait Towers is based out of there, kinda had a hostile takeover of the company I worked for here in Vegas, they moved everything back there and I was conflicted on going with it.. I didn't..

My wife get pissy with me cause I'm not a mind reader. I tell her straight up, I'm a man, when I speak I'm upfront and to the point, I don't use 50 words to express a thought that can be summed up in 10. If you need or want me to do something tell me what you need, don't tell me about what you had for lunch and the weather and expect me to know the garbage needs to go out. I think a lot of problems would be solved if women could figure out that we think different and give us the bullet points instead of taking the scenic route... Guys typically get a "high" from being needed and useful, so if we're not meeting your needs maybe your not letting us know what they are..

StayPuft · 05-07-2013, 06:46 PM

(05-06-2013 08:14 PM)friskers96 Wrote: My wife get pissy with me cause I'm not a mind reader. I tell her straight up, I'm a man, when I speak I'm upfront and to the point, I don't use 50 words to express a thought that can be summed up in 10. If you need or want me to do something tell me what you need, don't tell me about what you had for lunch and the weather and expect me to know the garbage needs to go out. I think a lot of problems would be solved if women could figure out that we think different and give us the bullet points instead of taking the scenic route... Guys typically get a "high" from being needed and useful, so if we're not meeting your needs maybe your not letting us know what they are..

I hear you. I mean, we guys definitely can't say the women are all to blame. I think the trick is learning to come together a little more. In other words, to meet in the middle. But, the fact of the matter is, guys usually do think very differently from most women. I am a really sensitive dude, and even a really good listener, but the fact is even I still think like a guy in many aspects. I don't read minds either. I am very straight to the point. If I have a problem and need to discuss it with somebody else, I figure the easiest way is to just come right out and spell it out.

No one side is entirely to blame, but I do think a lot of women would be surprised if they would just talk to their men. No beating around the bush, none of this "You should know what you did wrong" kind of crap. Just say what is wrong, talk about why it was wrong, or what needs to be done to fix the problem.

Mind you, there are situations were guys shouldn't need things spelled out for them. We guys have to get better at that as well. That is what relationships are about. Compromise. To her benefit, I must actually admit that my ex was never one to pull that crap. If we had an argument or whatever, we talked it out. Her problem (well, one of many, anyway) was she was never able to compromise. Her idea of compromise was to get everything her way and everybody else has to compromise by learning to be okay with that. God, I sometimes wonder why it took me so long to get out of that relationship.