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friskers96 · 05-07-2013, 08:13 PM

I agree that both sides need to "learn" to work together, I know I'm a flat out ass sometimes and I need to work on it, she on the other hand knows the same but cant admit it so doesn't think it needs to be worked on. We make it work though. We've only been married like two years now, but we have known each other since we were 10, even lived in the same house for a while back then. We know our quirks and accept them.

I think someone did a study on men and women and found the thought process between the two are completely different. It would take a whole lot of learning to change an "instinct" so to speak. I think we all just need to start accepting it and talk more and just stop expecting. Did that make sense??

StayPuft · 05-08-2013, 07:49 PM

Indeed. Makes a lot of sense. Bottom line is we would all be much better off if we could realize that men and women tend to be different, and go into relationships with an understanding of that. Granted, no two men are alike and no two women are either. It isn't like we all fit into an exact science of what our gender is supposed to be or how they act. But, you do find that a lot of similarities tend to be present a lot of the time.

I sometimes wonder if gay couples have it so much better. LOL! But, I imagine they may not as often have to deal with the same crap straight couples do, but there is probably a whole new set of crap. LOL! Such is life.

PJON · 05-08-2013, 08:04 PM

Hi StayPuft. Sorry to hear (read) all thats going on. I know it does not help but time does help the healing.

I dont think its about gender or male/female roles or looks or what we think is right by social standards.

Its about finding someone, who ever they are, that makes you happy. Makes you laugh, somketimes at yourself. Someone that makes you wonder, challenges you, inspires you. Someone who wants to share time with you. Finding someone you (I) dont want to kill or regret getting to know. AND doing the same for them.

It aint easy being green. Yet, have no fear, Underdog will be there, with Scooby snacks.

It could be me. Its easier to figure out what humans dont want, then what they do want. Start with that, and when the dust settles, you will be standing where you should be.

Much much HUGZZZ

alderdust · (This post was last modified: 05-08-2013 11:34 PM by alderdust.)

(05-08-2013 08:04 PM)PJON Wrote: Hi StayPuft. Sorry to hear (read) all thats going on. I know it does not help but time does help the healing.

I dont think its about gender or male/female roles or looks or what we think is right by social standards.

Its about finding someone, who ever they are, that makes you happy. Makes you laugh, somketimes at yourself. Someone that makes you wonder, challenges you, inspires you. Someone who wants to share time with you. Finding someone you (I) dont want to kill or regret getting to know. AND doing the same for them.

It aint easy being green. Yet, have no fear, Underdog will be there, with Scooby snacks.

It could be me. Its easier to figure out what humans dont want, then what they do want. Start with that, and when the dust settles, you will be standing where you should be.

Much much HUGZZZ

The words of a woman...it's amazing how different they are than all of that above.

StayPuft · 05-09-2013, 08:04 PM

Thanks, PJON. That means a lot to me. I have been trying my best to keep a positive mindset through all of this. The true fact of the matter is I am so much better off. It is just sometimes hard to see that. This is just not where I saw myself at this age. But, sometimes in life you have to take the wrong turns to learn what the right turns are.

I think you hit the nail right on the head. To that end, in my relationship, it was all give, give, give on my end, and take, take, take on hers. There was no compromise. That just got to be too much.

As I have said, I do not blame her. I think we were just too different in ways that did not seem so big at first and just grew to be bigger. Instead of somewhat compromising, our differences just grew bigger. In the end, there isn't anything wrong with the way she wants to live, it just isn't for me. And there isn't anything wrong with the way I want to live, it just isn't for her.

Some day, I hope to find the woman who was truly meant for me, and I for her. And there is no such thing as a perfect relationship... but I hope to find somebody where the compromise won't feel so much like compromise after all, because there will actually be some on her end as well.

But, as I said, I at least learned how to be happy with me. Mind you, it isn't like I wanted to be loved so badly that I rushed into a relationship that was wrong. That simply ain't me. ;-) I take things like that very seriously. However, I did always want that. I am kind of a romantic dude. I've always wanted a relationship. So, having had one has actually made me stronger, even though it may have not ended up for the best. Because, in a way, it finally showed me that I can do it. That I am worthy. Which, funny enough, makes it not matter as much if I don't find that next relationship, or at least not for a while.

Anyways, if I don't shut myself up now, I will go on and on forever. LOL! Thanks again, PJON, and everybody for your support and kind words. :-)

PJON · 05-10-2013, 05:10 PM

Hi Ok, i know. i will shut up.

But it was weird yesterday. After i wrote on here about compromises. I got into another coversation with another guy about compromises. Compromises dont work, my first marriage was based on compromises. Hence the "first"

For a happy note about compromises.

In My Humble Opinion, no disrespect to those who enjoy....
I do not like professional sports. I think its a waste of time, unless your playing in the game. I dont like baseball, American football, soccer, tennis, boxing or golf, etc... There all the same to me. Ok, I will watch mixed martial arts or hockey. Im not a fan of either and could not tell you anything about them....but its kinda fun to watch the fights.

I have a friend of mine who like the Baltimore Orioles baseball. If he asks me to a game, which he does. I will go, with no hesitation, regret, or compromise. I dont complain either. I dont like baseball, but i do like him. Going with him is actually fun, because i enjoy his company, where ever we are. I can have a good time anywhere, and anytime.

Going with him, to a ball game or anywhere is fun. Because i enjoy his company. Will he play board games with me, some. Will he play Darkon with me, No. Will he go do freaky fun things with me, No. Yet he lets me be me, and enjoys my company as well.

If you think about making a compromise, STOP. Think about what you really want. Is it going to a ball game so he will go do _____ with me. Nope. Its about enjoying the person your with, and their enjoyment. Dont compromise, find what makes you happy and enjoy that. I dont like baseball, but i like him. For me, thats enough.

Maybe when he figures that out, he will finally dump his girlfreind LOL

friskers96 · 05-10-2013, 06:04 PM

Only thing fun about professional sports is the food and people watching.. The only professional sport I have ever enjoyed was hockey, my dad scored season tickets for the NJ Devils, I was in heaven, great seats and they won the cup that year..

StayPuft · 05-10-2013, 07:47 PM

PJON, funny enough, I do not like professional sports either. Me being a guy, that is almost unheard of. LOL! But, I just could not care much less. I like my home town teams and want to see them win (which they almost never do), but I don't care enough to watch them do it. I am fine with hearing about it afterward.

In any case, I don't think you will ever find any relationship where there is no compromise. No two people can ever be exactly the same, so there will always be minor differences between two people who are going to be living together, spending nearly every moment together.

With friends, sure you may be able to have a great friendship without anybody having to compromise anything, but that is because you are just friends. Unless you are also roomies, you hang out a while and you both go home.

I'm not talking about compromising who you are, or other very important things. If you are seriously compromising who and what you are, then there is a good chance that is not the right relationship for you. I'm just talking about minor things. There are never two people who are exactly the same, so there are always minor little issues where compromise is needed. I mean compromise in the definition where you come together to come to a mutually beneficial agreement. I don't mean compromise as in the definition that you are compromising who you are.

Anyways, I hear what you mean, though. I definitely agree that if you are compromising too much, then that is one sign that maybe the relationship isn't right. Especially if the other person does not do the same in return. If they do nothing but take and never give, then that does not work out.